The hug …….

Listen to me. Last week, I was ready to crash out. I wasn’t suicidal, but I was close. I was sooooo tired. The anxiety attacks came back, and the insomnia. Actually, for the past 3 weeks, I was masking my depression. I was tired of letting people in and getting hurt worse. Then I’ve been bottling up grief. I’ve been grieving my living parents. And let me tell you that AINT for the weak. Especially when I feel like this is a time that I need them most. Then I saw one of my offenders, and I wasn’t triggered this time, but I just felt heavy. And let’s just say I was mentally tired. Then I went on this women’s retreat and God sho nuff had His way. I was doing great until there was this man on the elevator who triggered me realllll bad. And of course, I kept it in. I just got in the shower and cried. I couldn’t call anyone, or at least I didn’t think I could. Then I just forced myself to sleep! Because I didn’t want anybody to notice that part of me. And I thought after the panel that I was good, butttt still got some healing to do. But now let me fast forward to Sunday, March 18 ……. End of the women’s retreat. And someone saw beyond the smile I was forcing. So much I had released, but I was still holding onto that grief. And my now big sister hugged me real good. And she said release it and I lost it. Not only that, she said, you have a momma now. That hug saved me and she has no clue how much she healed the 5year old rape victim. She just doesn’t know she saw me when I felt so invisible. Then my other good sis came in to let me know that I’m not fighting alone. The retreat I was terrified to go on saved me. And to those sisters, I love y’all 🩷, and we're locked in for life.