FORGIVENESS...........................

= This is the one word I ran from for years. Not because I didn't know how. Not even because I didn't want to. But simply because I didn't know how to let go of the offense. I was talking to God one night on my way home. And I cried out because I was exhausted with forgiveness. And I was trying understand why something that should be so simple, was so hard. And I was reminded of this book I was reading with my sister. And God asked me why I stopped reading the book. And I was like because I was offended.

And He said and this is why you are struggling with forgiveness. Because you won't let go of the offense, you can't actually forgive. You are saying you forgive, but you are only forgiving with your mouth. He allowed me to see that I was not forgiving with my heart. So I was giving a facade of forgiveness but I wasn't actually forgiving.

For example I was holding so much anger in my heart for my mom. Because I felt she failed me. Even after realizing she did only what she knew how as a mom. To me at first it was just an excuse to excuse what she allowed to happen to me. And because I refused to see it as what it is. I was holding on to an offense. Then I realized I never hated my mom, I just hated what I endured. And in that I have been able to actually start forgiving her. It took me yearsssss to get to this point. But now that I understand it in a different perspective, I get to experience actual forgiveness. And not only that I get to break a generational curse.

This may not be why its hard for you to forgive. But if it is let the offense go so you can properly forgive and heal.