Dear dad,

I’ve held this in for years. You let me down. I needed you to protect me. I needed you sooo bad. Where were you when that man raped me ?! How are you still his friend?! Now I find it hard to let any man love me. And it’s super hard for me to love completely. I loved you so much, I wanted to be a daddy’s girl. But that’s not the life I got. Instead I got the absent but kinda present dad. Like you came to the graduations and things. But you wasn’t there for what I needed you for the most. I know nothing about you. I don’t know your favorite food. You don’t know my favorite color. I know nothing about your childhood. And I doubt I’ll ever learn about it. And Father’s Day is coming up. And I hate that holiday because I don’t have a dad to celebrate. And it really hurts that you have all of these kids but you only deal with one 🥺. I get judged for not talking to you. But really you don’t talk to me. What did I do for you not to be present? Why do you love her more ? I’ve tried over and over with you. To only get hurt over and over again. I’m finally done trying. I still love you. But I’m tired. I have to let go of the idea of you being the dad I want and need. As much as I need you in this stage of my life I know that you will never be here. Again I don’t know what I did wrong but I wish you loved me the way I love you. But until next time. I’ll love you forever regardless. Also I forgive you, but needed to release this so I can start healing from this silent wound. A wound deeper than I’d like to admit. This is not a wound I can just put a bandaid on. I need stitches for this one. But it’s okay, one day I’ll heal. And I’ll get to tell the story of how I healed and overcame this !!! I love you and I pray that God heals the pain you don’t talk about.