A little backstory .......

For starters, I used to hate for people to find out what happened to me. Because I never wanted to deal with those feelings or emotions. Because healing from it hurts worse than going through it. Because I have to live it all over again. But here I am healing on purpose and facing this head-on!

So it all started when I was about 3 or 4. It was just an inappropriate touch at first. And I didn't know any better. So I thought it was a normal thing. At the time I was still living with my dad and mom. So it wasn't a regular thing to happen. Just every so often. Then we eventually moved in together. And that's when every night he'd kiss me on the lips to say goodnight. And he would say only he could kiss me like that. So it became normal to me. And basically for a long while it was just touching. I won't go into the deep details. Most of the time this was happening my mom was at work or passed out from drugs. But there were times when she was right in the next room listening to my cry from pain. ( SN: later in life I found out that she allowed it to happen). Then when I turned 5 he began raping me. That was a gift for my 5th birthday. So until the last 2years, I hated my birthday. And that went on for a while. Then later in life, my aunt found out. My aunt said that I was eating a hotdog wrong (I still don't know what that means). But I remember going on a home visit and he did it again. And that was the last time he did it to me. And that last time I was about 8 I think. I never told anyone what happened until I became an adult. I don't think my aunt knows to this day.